the 4th diary

i got 4 diary books...i wrote it since i was form 1 on Nov i think..
recorded many things in these diary books...happy and unhappy...but the most happened tat i recorded were unhappy..
5 years already...many things hd occurred in these 5 years
jux looking back to what i'd recorded b'4..then i found tat, some feeling tat i no longer to hv it..maybe i lost it, or tat's the so-called growth?
and in these 5 years...the most happier is when i was form 3, nth unhappy happened in tat year. However, many things hd changed when i was form 4...something happened, and it's made me felt quite unhappy and regret..till now i'm still remember what was tat feeling and what was my fren told me...he said "ur smile looks so fake, not like i saw it b'4..u're not giving me the smile like tat when 1st time i saw u"

the 4th diary book..i wrote it on 25 Dec..mid-night of Christmas day
something made me feeling down tat day...then i jux recorded those feeling..nth special..maybe, tat is really nth special at all..coz all happened tat i recorded are also unhappy, moody..
when i started to write it..i found tat, only left one page then finish this book...shall i continue to 5th diary book? y nt? I will...

some idea i got b'4, but i dun hv any chance to do it...those idea i'd though so long, but tat's no chance to let me do it...and it becomes my遗憾
coz i knew tat...i really dun hv any chance or maybe hv but not now..if really i got it, i'll do tat for sure..coz i dun want something makes me regret again and i dun wan to feel regret anymore