back

finally i'm back from my hometown....
4 days 3 night at there...
it was seemed no changed for me...
every afternoon i also stayed alone at my cousin's home..
felt bored...
but...i'm always alone, every times...
when they asked me..
"do you feel scare when you stay alone at home?"
NOPE...really, and i don't even know what i want to scare about..
ghost?thief? or??

A village life...
i'd ever experienced...but i was so young...
some more...only 2 days i got it every times i went back there..
there is not too many of cars but bicycle and motorcycle are many..
everyone going to school or going to anywhere...they are also going by these transport..

long long times ago....
i still remember that i liked to ask my dad to fetch me went to paddy filed by motorcycle...
till now, still same....but is only for going there to take a photo...not by motor
and today...my cousin fetch me go there to take some photo by motor...
i like the view....nice

bicycle....
oh..god....
i can say i 'd so long times didn't do exercise ....
first time i felt my leg damn tired when i was cycling....
played volley boll with my cousin...
first time playing this game...
i never played before...
and my hand turned into red...

at there...every afternoon also shiny day...
made me felt damn hot...
but kl...raining heavily and thundering in every afternoon...

my little dream..

i got a little dream...
always..
but nobody knows that..
however, this dream...i cant never achieve
i wished i can be sitting on the stage to perform...
an orchestra performance...
like them..

it's from Final Fantasy,
but i heard it in FF VIII...my favorite video game that i ever played..
and it's one of my favorite musics in Final Fantasy series..

furthermore,
i wished i can sit on the auditorium yet...
to be a spectator to see and enjoy their performance..
it must be a very nice memory to me...
but Malayisa doesn't has this kind of performance,
sad case..

ABRSM Piano 2011-2012 Grade 5..

A:3 Haydn Sonata No.2 in Bb Menuet and Trio


B:1 Gedike Op.8 Miniature in D Minor


C:1 Thiman Water Pieces No.5 Flood-Time

my exam songs....
i had chosen to play these 3 songs in my exam...
well...
till now, i'm still haven't playing as well as him...
especially are b1 and c1...
of course..c1 is really got a bit fast for me..
i just playing slowly as i can..just hope won't wrong note...
still not really skillful now d...

Accidentally found it...<恋>

I just found this lyric from my last blog...
==================================================
时间一分一秒地过去
转眼间我们就要离别了
缘分让我们相遇在一个熟悉的地方
我多么想时间停留在这一刻

＃手指在钢琴键上舞动 弹奏着悲伤的音乐
而不停地在耳边围绕

＊是我想太多 还以为会开花结果
其实你心里已有一个她 你却笑着说你们只是朋友
可是你眼中的温柔 让我感到心痛
而我们只能永远当朋友
（而我们只是擦肩而过）

寒冷的空气 冰冻了我的双手
可是只要想起你的笑容 就温暖了我的心窝
===================================================
this song called <恋>...meaning seems like单恋..
wrote it when i was Form 3 by myself
if not wrongly....it was before 1 week of PMR i wrote
but, it's just a lyric...no music..
i hv no idea to create a music for it...
till now...i can say i got a little bit forgotten i had wrote this song..

it was meaningful to me...
but now...
hmm.....no feeling, but it's most satisfied for me..
i got wrote other 2 songs before i wrote this..
but same...i really had no idea to create a music for them..
aixx..

just share...

58天

我只剩下58天了，
堕落了两天了...也就是浪费了两天的时间了，
紫嫣，
你是时候该振作了！
还是把那原本的目标不改吧...没人知道为什么我会坚持要上Tarc...
其实是有目的的。但那是秘密...

好啦...
对不起啦....我让所有人担心了。
但没事了啦....那些只不过是气话而已，
我不会再那样想了。

进，我知道你很不想听到那三个字...
但我还是要说...对不起，我的任性跟我的自私都让你困扰了。
我不该那样不顾你的感受的，
我不会再那样从你身上要这样要那样了，
你给我的已经很多了，我却不满足...
相反地，你要的我给不到...
我的后知后觉真的很离普，
我反省，是我再次地忽略了你的感受，是我让你感到累了，是我伤了你。
对不起。

紫嫣，你该振作了！

am i back?

honestly, zi yan is already in rests for 3 days ago....
maybe, she will be back soon...
just give her some times to rest enough...
i believe that she will be back very soon...

okay....seriously,
i'm here!
i just don't want to be myself for a minute.
it's really tired...
i won't say "i'm okay" to myself like before, any happened when i was facing...
at least not now...not now to say that word.
i know i'm not okay now....
but i'll try my best to focus on my bm...
2 days...i didn't do my revision...
arghh...shit!! ><
its totally wasted my time...

woke up in these few morning....
same cased i had...
the same question...even the same desired...
every morning...
how i desired that was a dreamed...
but...that was not a dreamed.
i won't tell myself that...
"it's a new day again" in every morning...or
i never told myself of that..

祷告..还是那是愿望的一部分?

从何时开始，我学会向老天爷祈祷？
我想...大概是在我中四那年吧。
我一直很好奇，
为什么老天那么眷顾我，对我那么好...
那年，我的愿望...它好像听见了，给了我一次的机会让我弥补我的遗憾。
可是，
我却好害怕它会突然告诉我说...
“紫嫣，我已经给了你机会，让你弥补了你之前的遗憾了，
而你也很珍惜这个机会...对你而言，已经很足够了不是吗？
而我将会把他从你身边带走，你们的缘分也就只能到这里...
简单来说...他将会离开你身边，而你将会失去他。”
我真的好害怕老天爷会突然改变主意，
我怕它会认为，
只要有一秒我都没能好好去珍惜这个机会，没能好好去珍惜我曾经跟老天爷说过只要那么一次机会，我一定会好好珍惜的这个人...
哪怕是那一秒，它就会从我身边把他带走。因为那算是食言了。
我怕，眼前所拥有的都会突然间消失...所以，我都非常地珍惜。
我不想让自己在失去的时候，再后悔多一次。

我不知道何时他会离开我，即使我知道会有这一天的到来...
预防针打了又打，
我好想让自己的心脏可以强壮一点，
等到那天的到来，我可以有个心里准备去接受...至少不会太伤心
可是，那些所谓的预防针似乎过了期那样，
两个字“没效”。
反而好像有后遗症那样，难过得仿佛四周都没空气那样。

面具，我戴得好辛苦。
我都不知道是为了什么，
明明自己心里根本就是很不开心，
却要在家人或别人面前装做一幅什么事也没有的样子在开心地笑，
可是每次一笑，我就觉得自己很可笑...
“紫嫣，你很假...你知道吗?”
算了，反正又不是第一次笑得那么虚伪...

今天，我向老天爷祈求了一件事情。
那件事，我还真是第一次求它，
第一次用条件求它...
我想，它应该会认为我很烦吧，
不过，我是认真的...只要它答应，我真的愿意付出任何的代价去交换，决不后悔。
我还真的希望它听见我的祈求。

生，老，病，死..

昨晚，
妈妈跟我说：“这样就一世人了。”
我只回答了她一句话，“人生本来就是这样。”

生，老，病，死...本来就是人生的其中的一部分。
我难过，
但我不知道难过什么...
小时候，外公都很疼我们。
长大了，也因为距离的关系...少联络，少相处（可以说没沟通）
渐渐地，感情也变得没那么深厚。
甚至，他根本不认得我是谁。

从另一个观点来看，
这或许对他来说是个解脱。
糖尿病，高血压等等的病都让他感到不舒服，甚至身体有很多地方都感到疼痛。
但，对于亲人来说...那是一件很难接受的事实吧。
今天，妈妈跟二哥都回去怡保,
大哥做工，剩下我跟爸爸在家里。

而我今天的状况也好不到哪里去，
经过昨天被撞...虽然人没事，但我的颈好像肿了，不能转头不能用力...不然就很痛。

安息吧，
外公。

R.I.P grandpa..

my grandpa passed away at 7.00pm...
i got this news from my cousin....
at first, i stunned in front of the computer...i tot he was already been fine after the operation...but...
after that..i felt nothing...like nothing happened....
but at the next minute...i cried out! felt upset...
kept telling my self....''i'm okay, i'll be fine!''

1/4
April fool....
but NOT FUNNY AT ALL!!
what an unluckily day today....
got accident in this morning....my head got hitting, now already swollen..
don't know how to sleep tonight...
back from clinic...simply body check...
i'm worried for my body....
luckily....it's nothing...

accident in this morning...

well....
my first experience...accident in this morning!
erm...not my car actually...
i'm going to tarc with my friends...for asking something...
that car is my friend...
it was totally could not move after got hit by a nissan car...
after that...i only knew that..
"被车撞其实很难受!"
my body felt not really well....it seems like...er, indescribable~
feels like pain...but i didn't hit onto where...especially my internal organs...
i think maybe it was because of force..[learned from science(motion)but i forget what is it called]
and my head...damn pained!!
fortunately...there was no injuries...and my head where was got hitting not my cerebellum..
if not...i think i already death..><
Thanks God!!