Lost again

"Which way should i go?
I'm lost again!
Where am i now?? Am i wrong taking this way?"

All these question comes so suddenly in my mind.
And I cannot stop asking myself of these.
My life, already goes so wrong...I don't want to let it goes wrongly way anymore.
It may cannot be turning back to right.
But i don't want to regret in my whole life.
Looking at people around me,
They seems got their life...but me, nope...
Feel that i have absolutely no sense of direction.
Where should i go? don't know...
Where am I now? don't know...
Am i right to take this way? don't know....
Every thing i know is nothing.
If i choose wrong way...my life will totally finish.

zi yan...please..think what you want to do now.

doomsday..

Do you believe doomsday is coming soon?
somebody says it comes on 20 May 2011....
and also, somebody says it comes on Dis 2012...
Do i believe?
hmm....I have no idea.
Who knows? Nobody will know what will happen in next second...
If it's real? What will you do and say to your family and your friends or...only for your own self then?
If me...i will say only one thing to them...
I LOVE YOU!! and please forgiving me what i'd did before...made you all angry.

Even sometime would feel that my life goes so wrong....
Totally wrong way...and maybe i can never get it back...
But i still got many things haven't done yet...
I don't want to die young...

recently

i'm just planning to buy a novel book...




















[House of Night]
but...i haven't finished reading [Eat Pray Love]...
hmm....
i think the content of [house of night series] would more interesting than [twilight series]
actually....i really felt bored of this book when i'm reading.

back to night life, almost sleep at 2-3.00am...
gosh....what am i doing??
oh.....online reading comic
till now...i already read 10++ comics i think

and now...i don't even know why i still wanna decide which course should i choose...
maybe...i should think properly
looking for a part time job...
and planning for work-study if i can handle my study...i just want some extra money but not get it from my parents
hmm....
long time didn't get money from parents when i going out with friends...felt embarrassed
my money comes from my allowance when i going to school...
RM2 per day...and i didn't even want to use it just only want to save it...
so, i'm a mean person...but only for myself...

I'm okay =)

hey hey...
i'm ok...really~
is okay...it's nothing to me..
sorry for making you all worry about me....
i'm not a patient...at least not now
and i wish that i won't be a patient because of my body problem or in any cases...
am i wrong?
maybe...
i shouldn't write such thing in here...

next Thursday have to go to hospital for checkup...
am i afraid if really need to operation?
hmm....
yup, i'm scared....
but i'm not scared because of pain....i just feel that....
i have to give my life to a stranger,
even though that is a doctor...can i believe him/her?
maybe...i should

nah nah nah.....
haven't know the result don't talk about that...
wish me good luck...
God will always be with me.. =)

The Roommate

just watched "The roommate" yesterday....
thought it's a scary movie...but isn't
at first, my friend said she scared..coz she is living in hostel with her roommate...
originally...we wanted to watch "scream 4"...but the ticket seller said it was finished...
so fast finished??
hmm....
then...the spectators in the cinema...
i think not more than 15 peoples...haha
think that maybe it would many peoples watch...but nope..
erm....even though this movie not scary, but not bad..

operation??

just back from clinic...and i'm very tired
did x-ray in this morning at clinic sg buluh,
then went to clinic jinjang to send the report to the doctor...
i knew my bone got problem since i was form 2..
then the doctor said if my bone problem very serious...
i need to do operation...
well...i'll go to the hospital for checking again...
and tomorrow have to go to setapak for sending the checkup form to the NS official...
no need to attend anymore...
doctor does not allow me to join...
should i said it's great??
bone problem and maybe need to operation to exchange a chance of no need to attend NS

my dad said,
if really need to operation...then my study have to postpone till next year...
haiz...again

finally and finally

there was so many things came so suddenly in these few weeks...
NS postponed...found the office till crazy
and my july paper...i don't know take for what?

branch campus of Tarc at pahang had calling me,
said there has no more place to let me study...
asked me wanna go either perak or johor branch campus study..
suppose...
i'm at perak studying certificate now...
but i didn't go...i gave up
changed to study diploma at Segi University College...
start skul on 18th july...
well....i'm waiting that day coming
but i have to take ktm then change to lrt to go there...seems like going to Tarc
luckily...i'm not studying every day..
maximum study 4 days in one week..

body check tomorrow...
for ns one...
and i really speechless for my mom...
she keep asking me to see the blood when i'm checking..
coz i'll faint when i see that kind of things..
OMG.. =.=
is really suffering when i faint...
can't hear anything...feel daze, some more will cold sweat
mom! how could you keep asking me to do this? ><

and finally,
he is leaving me away...
hmm....i have nothing to say,
maybe...this is the only way we can choose..
maybe...is my fault
is me made these things happened...
but i won't choose to forget...
selfish? persistent? i admit....
don't beg of me to forget because of these happen,
i won't promise...
honestly...i feel angry for this