--Meteor--流星--

Saw meteor on last night.
But only saw 3 of them...
maybe I was the one of the lucky person who saw meteor, even though there was only 3.
Got the news from facebook, knew that meteor would appear at Malaysia...and I just tried how's my luck actually, then...very luckily..I saw them between 11.30p.m. to 12.45p.m.

The moment I saw the meteor..yet, it's the 1st one I saw...I felt very exited, thinking that " YES!! Finally you are appeared! Finally I saw you!" How long I was waiting for? Kept waiting and waiting...till my neck already very tired, just because wanted to see what is meteor.
It is never appear in my life but last night was 1st time.

有多久没那样仰望着天空了？
经过昨晚才发现，原来KL的天空也是那么多星星的。
只是太久都没那样抬头看天空，才一直以为KL的天空很少星星。
＂很美＂。。。我只能这样形容。
要是第二天没考试，要是第二天不需要上课，我想我会坐在外面等待第四，第五或是更多的流星出现吧。

只是很意外的，
当我看到第一颗的流星时，
那种兴奋的心情让我突然好想跟一个人分享。
好想第一个就告诉他说＂我看到流星了！＂，
不过到最后还是没有，只是留在心里面跟他说。

流星还会出现吗？
我真的很想看一群的，而不是一两颗的。
我想那样天空应该会更美，应该会很壮观吧。

决定

说真的，
我真的很后悔做了如此冲动的决定。
很多时候，我都会怀疑自己是否能够升任我以后的工作。
不要说以后吧，
单单２年半diploma毕业后。。。是否能够继续就读下去都还是个问题。
我没有就读理科班的底，SPM没有那三科必须要有的科目。
人家大学入学基本条件要的就是这基本的三个科目，但我却没有。。。我甚至不明白，为什么这间学院对这个科目的要求会那么底。（你们知道那样会害死人的吗？）

真的开始觉得我的人生已经没什么意义了。
又一次地觉得，我的人生完全走错了方向。
不对，不是又一次地觉得。。。
而是，在很久之前已经走错方向了。
可是为什么，我又会让它再次步入那错误的方向呢？
刘紫嫣，到底为什么？

有人说，明年就是世界末日的来临，
有的时候我会想。。。
如果那是真的话，
老天爷会不会也把我一起给带走？
我希望。。。。它会。
反正，我的人生已经走得如此错了。。。我到希望有个能够从新开始的机会。回到所有事情都归为零的时候。到那时候，我一定不会有今世的回忆。
不过，
那只是我自私的想法。
假如我真的发生什么不幸的话，我家人一定会很伤心的。。。我不想他们那样。因为家人在我心中永远都是排在第一。
所以，
我会告诉自己。。。无论如何都不能放弃，考好成绩。。。或许还有选择的机会，我必须走完剩下的路，即使它已经是个错误的选择，因为我已经没有回头的机会，更没有后悔的余地了。

[那些年]

去看了［那些年，我們一起追的女孩］
是一部还不错的电影，蛮好看的。
少少的感动，只是结局有点不太清楚，
本来也不明白为什么这是一部１８岁的电影，
一直到看了才明白。
假如要我再看多一次，我也愿意。

青春啊，
真棒！
说真的，这部电影让我想起了许多国中时发生的趣事。
是感情的，但不是爱情，而是友情。
一起被老师罚；
一起毕业。

＂那一年，刚从小六升上初中一，开始了我五年多姿多彩的国中旅程，等待我的却是一层又一层的考验；

那一年，我认识了他....开始了短短一个月多的纯纯恋爱；
那一年，几乎全班的同学被老师体罚；
那一年，一起分享着毕业开心的心情；
那一年的快乐；
那一年的悲伤....
那些年......＂

＂恋爱最美好的就是暧昧的时候....＂

-分享- [友情到了最后的夏天]

世界上最经不起考验的东西莫过于时间了。无论地球上发生了什么事，它，还是会渐渐地溜走。地球依然会绕着太阳公转，还是会自转。时间，总在大家的身旁静悄悄地溜走，但却丝毫不发出一点讯号。唯一遗留下来的就是岁月的痕迹。然而岁月的痕迹遗留下来的则是世上最珍贵的友情了。

友情，我个人认为世界上最经得起考验的东西。真正的友情，是经得起时间的磨炼的。友情，就像细水长流的河水一样，它是不会轻易被斩断的。而真正的友情也像 河水一样，细细长流，从河流流入大海，从而建筑成庞大的海洋。海洋的深远辽阔是大家无法预测的，用于形容友情就最贴切不过了。海洋有时惊涛骇浪，就像朋友 之 间偶尔的争吵般；有时又风平浪静，一望无际，仿佛什么难题都会被其吞没，犹如朋友之间无量的包容。

友情是需要包容的，一段深刻且长久的友情是需要双方甚至大家互相的包容。包容看似简单，但说话容易做事难，当大家在遇到难题时，遇到瓶颈是，遇到争吵时， 遇到分歧时,包容却正是大家所需要的。朋友之间的包容，在遇到真正的难题时还能互相迁就,那才算真正的遇到考验，真正的能携手渡过难关。

虽然马来西亚没有四季，那漂亮且多变的四季，那个我多么向往的四季。然而，以十二个月除以四来计算的话，马来西亚的一月至三月是春天，四月至六月是夏天，七月至九月是秋天，十月至十二月则是冬天了。

当 我正在写这篇散文时已经是四月份的月底了。这也是我在中学生涯的最后一个夏天了。然而,今年的夏天却是漫长的,也是我毕生难忘的夏天。夏天,总会带给人一 份慵懒的感觉,虽然太阳总是高高地挂在天上, 发出耀眼的光芒。此外,在我的眼里,夏天给人一种无拘无束的感觉，没有太多的束缚，让我仿佛是置身在天际无拘的小鸟,可以尽自几所能地在天上翱翔。

今年的夏天却是充满了不舍之情，因为过了今年的夏天，同学们就要各奔东西，为了寻求梦想，可能会到国外求学，或有如脱缰的野马，无影无踪，根本再也联络不 上 他们了。想到这里，我的内心深处不禁酸了一下，浮现了一种难以用笔墨或口舌形容的感受。这种感受，犹如内心有一股难以控制冲动，想往外冲，飞得越高越好。 但是内心却又有另一股不断压抑自己的力量，十分不舍现今拥有的一切，包括鱼水情深的友情。此时我想哭，但是泪水却挤不出来，内心无比地郁闷，可说是悲喜交 集。我的内心深处拼命地挣扎，两股力量僵持不下，难道这正是离别时候的矛盾感觉？

曾几何时，我与我班级的同学们都不熟的。大家表面上虽然在同一个班级上课，但是大家实际上都好像不认识似的。每天都只是上课放学，虽然天天见面，但是话也 没 多说几句，就算在走廊上擦肩而过，也仿佛陌生人，连向对方笑一个也不会。回想起当时我真的过得像行尸走肉般，没感情，没朋友，对友情当然是等闲视之。

俯仰之间，我们渐渐成为了朋友，关系也渐渐地变的密切了。在短短的几年内，大家经过了一次又一次的分分离离，可是不但没破坏了我们的友情与感情，然而一次 次 的分离让我们的感情更加坚固了，大家更能情同手足，关系更进一步密切了。现在大家都会趁空节时就聚集在一起，聊聊天，谈天说地，此时时钟仿佛都忘了转动， 时间似乎也不存在了。

偶 尔我们也会趁老师没来教课，就赶紧换上体育服，一溜烟似的冲到楼下的篮球场打球。虽然这是违反校规的，但是大家也似乎不以为然，毕竟快乐最重要嘛！但是上 得山多终遇虎，有几次我们的所作所为被执法严厉的纪律老师发现了，我们一大班就这样被捉入纪律室记一个大过或是遭到鞭打。受了皮肉之痛，在记忆里虽然是有 心酸的，可是也让我有值得回忆的一些甜甜回忆。甜蜜的回忆那就是大家在一起打球时曾经发生的趣事，大家一起受罚时的点滴，如今已经成为了脑海里的深刻及毕 生难忘的往事，尤其是偶尔回想起还是会不禁偷偷地笑，毕竟是朋友之间一起经历过的事情。

今年我已经是中五了，也是大家在中学生涯的最后一年了。大家都更加珍惜这一份得来不易的友情。这一份友情建立得好不容易，这份友情掺杂了生活的酸甜苦辣，大家有泪水有汗水，有争吵当然也有欢乐。

我 们班级的一大班男生，友情是浓得没话说的，可说是深情厚谊。大家的友情虽然没当面说出口，但是在大家的内心早就已经有了一份共同的意识，那就是我们是一辈 子的好朋友。大家曾经一起共患难，一起有欢乐的时光，在几年内的点点滴滴，曾经历过的事迹，早在大家的内心深处深深得刻下了一个烙印，这也了印证大家友 情，是不会被经历时间的风风雨雨而被洗涤的。

我向来是一个不善于表达情感的。我经常在面对一些友情的难题或是抉择时，都被这些难题所击倒，有时想将朋友间的友情用以解决这些难题，但是欲说出口时，就 哑 口无言了。我经常因为这一份的懦弱，而被大家认定成我是一个厚此薄彼的家伙。若有机会，我真的很想在朋友面前实实在在地印证我是重感情的，而且更加重视友 情。

最 后一年了，因此大家都特别珍惜今年的每个朋友的生日，所以每当有一个朋友的生日，大家都会在特地最后一节为那位同学献唱生日歌。虽然大家口中只是唱着一首 普普通通，简简单单的生日歌，一首从小到大每年都会听到别人为自己演唱的生日歌。但是在一大班朋友，同学的大合唱下，在我的内心却是完美地唱出了大家心中 所存在的那份悸动，谱出了一首最让大家感动的生日歌。在友情的加持下，连一首普普通通的生日歌，简简单单的音调也唱到了每个人的心坎中，深深地感动了大 家。

我与朋友们曾经定下山盟海誓，彼此答应大家在毕业后隔几年就要办一个旅行团，让大家聚在一起联络感情。但是如今毕业以后大家都不知道是否还记得大家曾经定下的的约定，先别说是聚在一起旅行，我看就连几个月举办一次的聚会也不知道大家是否都会出席，甚至成功举办。

当然，我们之间的友情是建立在时间，岁月上的。然而，岁月以及友情，哪个比较经得起考验已是一个不必争论的话题了。友情在大家的内心不是可以用金钱甚至时 间 来衡量的。难道我与朋友们的友情真的到了截止日期吗？从今以后大家是否真的犹如短线的风筝，各飞各的，各飞东西，再也不会见面了，甚至久而久之连各自的名 字也会逐渐遗忘。

到 了这里，我不想再写了，我已经哭了，我也已经累了。我必须重申这不是一篇靠想象力捏造出来的文章，而是我用中学生涯的春花秋月来经历友情的点滴，亲身鉴证 友情的诞生。可是认凭口说是无用的，我真的希望阅读这篇文章的读者可以真正身感其受，认同友情在岁月上屹立不倒的地位。我也希望你们读了后会有所感触，并 且能感动到你的心坎。话毕，真的希望大家能够珍惜身边的一切一切，包括了亲情，爱情，友情……

=================================================================

我不是原创。

原创是在我中学时认识的学长，

三年前，在他毕业前所参赛的作品，

只是无意间又看到了这篇文章，所以想分享下。

觉得很回味，这篇文章令我想起了很多关于他的事情。

我跟他称不算很熟，但...他却帮了我很多，在他身上我所看到的东西也很多。

我很感激他，在我最失意的时候...最难过的时候有他的陪伴，不过我知道...那晚，我打扰到他温习功课了。

以前，总会在篮球场上看他打球。看他把球投进篮框里的时候...心里就浮现出一种欣喜的感觉，只是...已经很久都没有过那种感觉了。

那年，在他生日过后送了他一件T-shirt...那时尴尬的气愤，我还记得很清楚。（有穿吗？）

以前，他参加歌唱比赛...我在台下帮他加油，结果他得了冠军。还真替他感到开心。

那晚，学校的庆典...我因为被朋友放飞机，他就在我旁边陪了我度过了那3小时沉闷的迎春晚会...嗯...不好意思，因为那晚的事情...让很多人都误会我跟他在一起。（我承认那年，我是对他有意识啦）

印象中，因为某些缘故...他还欠我一餐，几时请?？

Result

Got my malaysian study and moral study result...
yet, i passed it...
but...honestly, the moment I heard my friend told me that I passed my foundation exam, I got no any feeling..
yup...I didn't even have a happy or a lighten feeling...
I'm not really satisfied of it even if I wished that I could pass, at least got a PASS, and then, no need to retake both of them again.

Final exam is coming very soon....
my target...at least 3.0.
Wish that I can get higher mark...
I will...
yes...I can!

心里隐藏的话。

我总是一个人，
很多时候都是自己一个人。
孤独，孤单
对我来说又算什么？
我承认，我害怕孤单的感觉...不喜欢被忽视。
可是，那种感觉总是离不开我。
它的形影不离，让我必不得已去接受它。
或许，我的适应能力较强吧。又或许，我早已就习惯了。
所以，在不知道什么时候开始...我学会了享受一个人的时光。

有时侯会觉得，真的很不想在那样了。
有时候会想要找个人来陪。
恋爱的感觉是怎样的，我已经忘了。
因为害怕再受伤害，所以一直都很小心翼翼地保护自己，小心翼翼地去观察。
想试着去喜欢，却不知道那样是否是对的，因为我害怕。
所以，我一直告诉自己...我，没有喜欢的人。

在学院，
我没什么朋友。
有的也就只有几个。
最要好的，就只有一个。
所以，除了她以外...我对其他人都很少话。
若我说，
除了她之外，我在其他人面前，对他们的好都是装出来的...真的不知道他们会怎样。
我，就像个旁观者...站在另一端看着他们的一举一动。
就像他们策划的旅游那样，无论办不办得成...都不关我的事，我无所谓。
是种族歧视吗？我不知道。
我只知道，是他们让我看到什么叫做失望，什么叫做无聊跟无趣。

对于中学那班好朋友，
我真的不知该说什么才能够形容我对于现在的情况那种感受。
我跟他们仿佛距离越来越远了。除了一个朋友之外。
少见面，少联络。渐渐地...我觉得我们之间就快要到没话题说的阶段了。
“变了”。
这是我看到的。
还是我不够了解他们？
因为你们是我最要好的朋友，所以偶尔才会生你们的气...
因为你们是我最要好的朋友，所以你们说错了什么才会想纠正你。
因为我在乎你们，难道你们都不知道吗？
还是我做错了？
我很纳闷，
为什么总是会为了一些小事而弄得不开心？
在你们的面前，我从来都不会伪装...
没有刻意地讨好，没有隐藏，真正的我，只有你们才看到。
不过，可惜的是...这份心意，没人会知道。

至于对于某人，
我真的很希望能够守在他身边。
虽然帮不上什么忙，但还是希望能够当他的耳朵。
当他有什么不开心的事，我可以坐在一旁安静地倾听。
你知道吗？这是我目前最想做的事情。
不是八卦，而是能够让他发泄他心里的不愉快。就仅仅这样。
但是我知道，这是不可能的。
不过，也没关系...或许不能够实现也是件好事。
因为，这是我的一个小小的贪念。
我很好，真的。不要再觉得对不起我了。因为那些事不完全是你的错，而我也释怀了啊。
记得我对你的承诺。
（如果需要到我，我就会在你身边）

addicted

Recently i'm addicted in the MAGIC WORLD....
hmmm.....actually it is a novel.
Looking for more and more such novel [ 魔法校园小说].
Sometime, I would think that....
If really has such thing in this world...how's the world will be?
If really has such thing in this world...will I enter the school to study?
If I enter to the magic school to study....how's my life will be?
"Yes....sure...of course, I will!!" and then, i heard a strong voice in my mind..
Maybe...when the moment I enter the magic school, my life will become different...TOTALLY DIFFERENT...ya, I believe...I'm sure it will be totally different than now...
or maybe....I will get more and more fun in my life...
Well...who knows?

But.....
Something makes me feel unhappy and disappointed.
I know....
That's JUST a DAYDREAMING....
Reality is still reality...
There is no such thing in this world, and I need to back to the real life.

However...I'm still like to read this type of novel.
The synopsis is not only about magic but also has some love story in there. ( In fact....that is a campus love story, but it is a magic type of story)
It makes me feel like I'm watching a movie....I like the feeling.
I could see so many pictures...and could hear the sound...
"They" came to my brain all of sudden when I was reading it.
WOW! SOOOOO COOL...! ^^
Has sound effect one...HAHAHA!! XD
I like it...=)

--end--
-by Zi Yan-

心底，想法？

好久好久都没上来更新了，
想说...最近都好像发生了一些事情，有好多的话想说，想发泄。
想问...我看透了吗？

[生命]
今年4月1日，愚人节...外公去世了。
今年7月31日，农历的7月初1...我二伯伯去世了。
我清楚的记得当我收到这消息的时候有什么反应，
惊吓！对，这就是我第一反应。
那天晚上大概11.15分收到叔叔的电话说伯伯去世了，
我，我家人都当场吓到。
过后我问自己，在这件事里我看到的是什么？
结果，我得到的答案就是跟我外公去世时看到的一模一样。
不过，这次我看到得更深。
我看着眼前所有的人，心想...
生命本来就这样，说走就走。

你害怕死吗？
我不害怕。
生，老，病，死本来就是生命的定律。
人总有一死，只是看在早或迟而已。
没人知道下一秒会发生什么事，
珍惜眼前的人，事，物才是最重要的。
不是吗？

[钢琴]
上星期四，钢琴考试。
说真的，那天我真的考得很烂！
第一次，为了这个考试，自己一个人在放学后去找那间hotel。
第一次，自己一个人在不熟悉路的情况下找了那么久，就只为了这个考试。
第一次，觉得给人放飞机是件很让人不爽的事。
想说，感谢你们让我知道什么叫做无助。
那种感受，我绝对不会忘记！
因为我会时时刻刻用这个来提醒自己，
凡事只能靠自己，我绝对不会再让自己有那种感受。

[友情]
两个星期前得知，有个好朋友有了交往的对象。
这是第一次我有那种感受。
--喜悦--
真的，那是一种很奇妙的感受。
她是第一个让我有那种感受的朋友。
为她感到开心。
也不知道为什么，可能是因为一年前我和她在感情方面很相似吧，
总有种同病相怜的感觉。所以，当我知道她找到了属于她的交往对象，我真的很为她感到开心。

无奈

命运是什么？
有的人说“命运是已经注定的了”；
也有的人说“命运是掌握在自己的手心的。”
对我而言，
无论是已经注定了还是那是靠自己去掌握的，
我都感到很无奈，甚至无言以对。

今天从学院搭巴士回家，
在jalan ipoh那里上了几个中学生。其中有一个男生大概是中四或中五吧，
他也一样，放学搭巴士回家。
在车上，他跟他的朋友还有说有笑，
但，在他下巴士后的一分钟，因为要过对面的马路
而那时交通灯刚好转去青灯了，而他不知道为什么就躺在马路上，好像动不了，而书包就掉在地上。
我不确定他是不是被车撞倒，因为那时有一辆货车挡住了我大部分的视线。
直到那货车的司机把他抬出来我才看见，他样子像类似抽筋那样。
当时，说真的，我真的吓到了。
虽然看起来他没受什么伤，但他的样子好像真的好痛苦。
这个情况让我回想到那天坐朋友车被撞的情况跟那种痛。
同时，也感到好无奈，
看着他上巴士，跟朋友在巴士上谈天，一直到他下巴士都是还好好的，
结果，在他下了巴士的一分钟后就发生那样的事。

是命运吗？
我怎么有另一种感觉？“生命无常”
希望他没事就好。

friend...friend??

The only one thing I'm always seeking is "friendship".
The true friendship is what I always wanted...
I found it, but I do not sure whether is she or not.
Maybe this is my problem,
sometime, I don't event know that what's called "friend".
The examples I saw before is either betrayed or cheated..
what a laughable thing.
So i told myself, don't be too nice to anyone...
sometime they wouldn't treat you as the nicer as you treat them...
or else you may be betrayed or cheated by them.

Until yesterday,
I found a question.
"Why the more best of the emotion between a friend, the more easily they squabble?"
And yesterday...almost squabble with a friend bout the trip on 9 July.
I know...that was my fault. Sorry for that I always refused you hang out when I really no money.
But if you want to waste your money like this, already used RM700++ last month...then still wanna go to a trip at least want to prepare RM200 for it of 2 days one night..ok, fine..up to you, I have no comment. That is your money, the way how did you use your money is non-of-my-business!
But can you considerate to me? Only a little bit.
I said I'd already used 100++ in Jun...I've no more extra money to give me to go any trip recently...
I only get 200 allowances per month...some more the ptptn not yet approve, I only can get RM100 from my brother per month now. And last month, the money I used was already exceed budget.
How can I take out at least RM200 for the trip? Do you want me eat 谷粽 in this whole month?
Did I angry? Nope...but it was just spoiled my mood badly...totally, absolutely.
Then the only way I could handle my mood and anger was just left it at here and I just went away...means is OFFLINE, no respond anymore.

Friend...
Wonder what should it be?

更新

考试终于完毕了。
希望能够进入第一学期。
今天去看了姐姐订的旗袍，蛮美的。
而我就在那买了一件礼服，在姐姐结婚那天穿的。
想想，姐姐在外国已经有四年了吧，
今年十月终于回来办婚礼。
姐，我好想你啊！

Just bought a novel book [House of Night-Betrayed].
I wanted to buy first story [Marked]...but the bookstore didn't has.
I think maybe already finished sold..
it's too bad for that...

something in my heart....something i see it clearly

"You're gone away from me,

or maybe...
you're not staying beside me at all.
Even though you stay close to me...
but the distance still seems too far between us"

After 2 weeks ago,
I only see such relationship clearly...
very clear.
Yet, I very hate it...

Keep to ask myself "what for?"
Don't know....
Feels that,
I'm very stupid,
feels cheated...betrayed.
The more I think of...the more I hate.
You're not care about me at all.
Am I right?

Too many things happened between us,
thought that...
maybe it would make us become more closer...
at least,
it could let us more believe or know each other...
but,
thing goes worse...
I'm wrong...totally wrong.
Wrong from the beginning.

"You're the first person I ever care about,
but...
you are also the first person who makes me feel disappointed...
and...hate"

[......]

After 2 weeks more, finally i can get used to my college life.
Feel that...fun but boring.
Final exam is coming soon...only left one more week,
seriously....I'm not prepared yet!
I'm scared to fail my exam and I don't want to fail it. I can't fail.

Not really happy recently...
but don't know who can tell,
hmmm...no need to tell, there are not necessary to know it.
I've to solve it in one day...then all these happens will stop at here.
I wish I can hate...
wish that I can forget....
but like someone said
"It is likes a history book...already print on the paper, can't be forgotten...you only can do is HIDE it"
Hide?? I prefer to choose to forget.
I hate, because i feel angry for that...
I've many questions...why like this? why like that?...
When i only can know all of these reasons?
Don't know....maybe I'll know all about that in one day which is coming...I always tell myself of this...
For me...you are already deceived me.

Lost again

"Which way should i go?
I'm lost again!
Where am i now?? Am i wrong taking this way?"

All these question comes so suddenly in my mind.
And I cannot stop asking myself of these.
My life, already goes so wrong...I don't want to let it goes wrongly way anymore.
It may cannot be turning back to right.
But i don't want to regret in my whole life.
Looking at people around me,
They seems got their life...but me, nope...
Feel that i have absolutely no sense of direction.
Where should i go? don't know...
Where am I now? don't know...
Am i right to take this way? don't know....
Every thing i know is nothing.
If i choose wrong way...my life will totally finish.

zi yan...please..think what you want to do now.

doomsday..

Do you believe doomsday is coming soon?
somebody says it comes on 20 May 2011....
and also, somebody says it comes on Dis 2012...
Do i believe?
hmm....I have no idea.
Who knows? Nobody will know what will happen in next second...
If it's real? What will you do and say to your family and your friends or...only for your own self then?
If me...i will say only one thing to them...
I LOVE YOU!! and please forgiving me what i'd did before...made you all angry.

Even sometime would feel that my life goes so wrong....
Totally wrong way...and maybe i can never get it back...
But i still got many things haven't done yet...
I don't want to die young...

recently

i'm just planning to buy a novel book...




















[House of Night]
but...i haven't finished reading [Eat Pray Love]...
hmm....
i think the content of [house of night series] would more interesting than [twilight series]
actually....i really felt bored of this book when i'm reading.

back to night life, almost sleep at 2-3.00am...
gosh....what am i doing??
oh.....online reading comic
till now...i already read 10++ comics i think

and now...i don't even know why i still wanna decide which course should i choose...
maybe...i should think properly
looking for a part time job...
and planning for work-study if i can handle my study...i just want some extra money but not get it from my parents
hmm....
long time didn't get money from parents when i going out with friends...felt embarrassed
my money comes from my allowance when i going to school...
RM2 per day...and i didn't even want to use it just only want to save it...
so, i'm a mean person...but only for myself...

I'm okay =)

hey hey...
i'm ok...really~
is okay...it's nothing to me..
sorry for making you all worry about me....
i'm not a patient...at least not now
and i wish that i won't be a patient because of my body problem or in any cases...
am i wrong?
maybe...
i shouldn't write such thing in here...

next Thursday have to go to hospital for checkup...
am i afraid if really need to operation?
hmm....
yup, i'm scared....
but i'm not scared because of pain....i just feel that....
i have to give my life to a stranger,
even though that is a doctor...can i believe him/her?
maybe...i should

nah nah nah.....
haven't know the result don't talk about that...
wish me good luck...
God will always be with me.. =)

The Roommate

just watched "The roommate" yesterday....
thought it's a scary movie...but isn't
at first, my friend said she scared..coz she is living in hostel with her roommate...
originally...we wanted to watch "scream 4"...but the ticket seller said it was finished...
so fast finished??
hmm....
then...the spectators in the cinema...
i think not more than 15 peoples...haha
think that maybe it would many peoples watch...but nope..
erm....even though this movie not scary, but not bad..

operation??

just back from clinic...and i'm very tired
did x-ray in this morning at clinic sg buluh,
then went to clinic jinjang to send the report to the doctor...
i knew my bone got problem since i was form 2..
then the doctor said if my bone problem very serious...
i need to do operation...
well...i'll go to the hospital for checking again...
and tomorrow have to go to setapak for sending the checkup form to the NS official...
no need to attend anymore...
doctor does not allow me to join...
should i said it's great??
bone problem and maybe need to operation to exchange a chance of no need to attend NS

my dad said,
if really need to operation...then my study have to postpone till next year...
haiz...again

finally and finally

there was so many things came so suddenly in these few weeks...
NS postponed...found the office till crazy
and my july paper...i don't know take for what?

branch campus of Tarc at pahang had calling me,
said there has no more place to let me study...
asked me wanna go either perak or johor branch campus study..
suppose...
i'm at perak studying certificate now...
but i didn't go...i gave up
changed to study diploma at Segi University College...
start skul on 18th july...
well....i'm waiting that day coming
but i have to take ktm then change to lrt to go there...seems like going to Tarc
luckily...i'm not studying every day..
maximum study 4 days in one week..

body check tomorrow...
for ns one...
and i really speechless for my mom...
she keep asking me to see the blood when i'm checking..
coz i'll faint when i see that kind of things..
OMG.. =.=
is really suffering when i faint...
can't hear anything...feel daze, some more will cold sweat
mom! how could you keep asking me to do this? ><

and finally,
he is leaving me away...
hmm....i have nothing to say,
maybe...this is the only way we can choose..
maybe...is my fault
is me made these things happened...
but i won't choose to forget...
selfish? persistent? i admit....
don't beg of me to forget because of these happen,
i won't promise...
honestly...i feel angry for this

back

finally i'm back from my hometown....
4 days 3 night at there...
it was seemed no changed for me...
every afternoon i also stayed alone at my cousin's home..
felt bored...
but...i'm always alone, every times...
when they asked me..
"do you feel scare when you stay alone at home?"
NOPE...really, and i don't even know what i want to scare about..
ghost?thief? or??

A village life...
i'd ever experienced...but i was so young...
some more...only 2 days i got it every times i went back there..
there is not too many of cars but bicycle and motorcycle are many..
everyone going to school or going to anywhere...they are also going by these transport..

long long times ago....
i still remember that i liked to ask my dad to fetch me went to paddy filed by motorcycle...
till now, still same....but is only for going there to take a photo...not by motor
and today...my cousin fetch me go there to take some photo by motor...
i like the view....nice

bicycle....
oh..god....
i can say i 'd so long times didn't do exercise ....
first time i felt my leg damn tired when i was cycling....
played volley boll with my cousin...
first time playing this game...
i never played before...
and my hand turned into red...

at there...every afternoon also shiny day...
made me felt damn hot...
but kl...raining heavily and thundering in every afternoon...

my little dream..

i got a little dream...
always..
but nobody knows that..
however, this dream...i cant never achieve
i wished i can be sitting on the stage to perform...
an orchestra performance...
like them..

it's from Final Fantasy,
but i heard it in FF VIII...my favorite video game that i ever played..
and it's one of my favorite musics in Final Fantasy series..

furthermore,
i wished i can sit on the auditorium yet...
to be a spectator to see and enjoy their performance..
it must be a very nice memory to me...
but Malayisa doesn't has this kind of performance,
sad case..

ABRSM Piano 2011-2012 Grade 5..

A:3 Haydn Sonata No.2 in Bb Menuet and Trio


B:1 Gedike Op.8 Miniature in D Minor


C:1 Thiman Water Pieces No.5 Flood-Time

my exam songs....
i had chosen to play these 3 songs in my exam...
well...
till now, i'm still haven't playing as well as him...
especially are b1 and c1...
of course..c1 is really got a bit fast for me..
i just playing slowly as i can..just hope won't wrong note...
still not really skillful now d...

Accidentally found it...<恋>

I just found this lyric from my last blog...
==================================================
时间一分一秒地过去
转眼间我们就要离别了
缘分让我们相遇在一个熟悉的地方
我多么想时间停留在这一刻

＃手指在钢琴键上舞动 弹奏着悲伤的音乐
而不停地在耳边围绕

＊是我想太多 还以为会开花结果
其实你心里已有一个她 你却笑着说你们只是朋友
可是你眼中的温柔 让我感到心痛
而我们只能永远当朋友
（而我们只是擦肩而过）

寒冷的空气 冰冻了我的双手
可是只要想起你的笑容 就温暖了我的心窝
===================================================
this song called <恋>...meaning seems like单恋..
wrote it when i was Form 3 by myself
if not wrongly....it was before 1 week of PMR i wrote
but, it's just a lyric...no music..
i hv no idea to create a music for it...
till now...i can say i got a little bit forgotten i had wrote this song..

it was meaningful to me...
but now...
hmm.....no feeling, but it's most satisfied for me..
i got wrote other 2 songs before i wrote this..
but same...i really had no idea to create a music for them..
aixx..

just share...

58天

我只剩下58天了，
堕落了两天了...也就是浪费了两天的时间了，
紫嫣，
你是时候该振作了！
还是把那原本的目标不改吧...没人知道为什么我会坚持要上Tarc...
其实是有目的的。但那是秘密...

好啦...
对不起啦....我让所有人担心了。
但没事了啦....那些只不过是气话而已，
我不会再那样想了。

进，我知道你很不想听到那三个字...
但我还是要说...对不起，我的任性跟我的自私都让你困扰了。
我不该那样不顾你的感受的，
我不会再那样从你身上要这样要那样了，
你给我的已经很多了，我却不满足...
相反地，你要的我给不到...
我的后知后觉真的很离普，
我反省，是我再次地忽略了你的感受，是我让你感到累了，是我伤了你。
对不起。

紫嫣，你该振作了！

am i back?

honestly, zi yan is already in rests for 3 days ago....
maybe, she will be back soon...
just give her some times to rest enough...
i believe that she will be back very soon...

okay....seriously,
i'm here!
i just don't want to be myself for a minute.
it's really tired...
i won't say "i'm okay" to myself like before, any happened when i was facing...
at least not now...not now to say that word.
i know i'm not okay now....
but i'll try my best to focus on my bm...
2 days...i didn't do my revision...
arghh...shit!! ><
its totally wasted my time...

woke up in these few morning....
same cased i had...
the same question...even the same desired...
every morning...
how i desired that was a dreamed...
but...that was not a dreamed.
i won't tell myself that...
"it's a new day again" in every morning...or
i never told myself of that..

祷告..还是那是愿望的一部分?

从何时开始，我学会向老天爷祈祷？
我想...大概是在我中四那年吧。
我一直很好奇，
为什么老天那么眷顾我，对我那么好...
那年，我的愿望...它好像听见了，给了我一次的机会让我弥补我的遗憾。
可是，
我却好害怕它会突然告诉我说...
“紫嫣，我已经给了你机会，让你弥补了你之前的遗憾了，
而你也很珍惜这个机会...对你而言，已经很足够了不是吗？
而我将会把他从你身边带走，你们的缘分也就只能到这里...
简单来说...他将会离开你身边，而你将会失去他。”
我真的好害怕老天爷会突然改变主意，
我怕它会认为，
只要有一秒我都没能好好去珍惜这个机会，没能好好去珍惜我曾经跟老天爷说过只要那么一次机会，我一定会好好珍惜的这个人...
哪怕是那一秒，它就会从我身边把他带走。因为那算是食言了。
我怕，眼前所拥有的都会突然间消失...所以，我都非常地珍惜。
我不想让自己在失去的时候，再后悔多一次。

我不知道何时他会离开我，即使我知道会有这一天的到来...
预防针打了又打，
我好想让自己的心脏可以强壮一点，
等到那天的到来，我可以有个心里准备去接受...至少不会太伤心
可是，那些所谓的预防针似乎过了期那样，
两个字“没效”。
反而好像有后遗症那样，难过得仿佛四周都没空气那样。

面具，我戴得好辛苦。
我都不知道是为了什么，
明明自己心里根本就是很不开心，
却要在家人或别人面前装做一幅什么事也没有的样子在开心地笑，
可是每次一笑，我就觉得自己很可笑...
“紫嫣，你很假...你知道吗?”
算了，反正又不是第一次笑得那么虚伪...

今天，我向老天爷祈求了一件事情。
那件事，我还真是第一次求它，
第一次用条件求它...
我想，它应该会认为我很烦吧，
不过，我是认真的...只要它答应，我真的愿意付出任何的代价去交换，决不后悔。
我还真的希望它听见我的祈求。

生，老，病，死..

昨晚，
妈妈跟我说：“这样就一世人了。”
我只回答了她一句话，“人生本来就是这样。”

生，老，病，死...本来就是人生的其中的一部分。
我难过，
但我不知道难过什么...
小时候，外公都很疼我们。
长大了，也因为距离的关系...少联络，少相处（可以说没沟通）
渐渐地，感情也变得没那么深厚。
甚至，他根本不认得我是谁。

从另一个观点来看，
这或许对他来说是个解脱。
糖尿病，高血压等等的病都让他感到不舒服，甚至身体有很多地方都感到疼痛。
但，对于亲人来说...那是一件很难接受的事实吧。
今天，妈妈跟二哥都回去怡保,
大哥做工，剩下我跟爸爸在家里。

而我今天的状况也好不到哪里去，
经过昨天被撞...虽然人没事，但我的颈好像肿了，不能转头不能用力...不然就很痛。

安息吧，
外公。

R.I.P grandpa..

my grandpa passed away at 7.00pm...
i got this news from my cousin....
at first, i stunned in front of the computer...i tot he was already been fine after the operation...but...
after that..i felt nothing...like nothing happened....
but at the next minute...i cried out! felt upset...
kept telling my self....''i'm okay, i'll be fine!''

1/4
April fool....
but NOT FUNNY AT ALL!!
what an unluckily day today....
got accident in this morning....my head got hitting, now already swollen..
don't know how to sleep tonight...
back from clinic...simply body check...
i'm worried for my body....
luckily....it's nothing...

accident in this morning...

well....
my first experience...accident in this morning!
erm...not my car actually...
i'm going to tarc with my friends...for asking something...
that car is my friend...
it was totally could not move after got hit by a nissan car...
after that...i only knew that..
"被车撞其实很难受!"
my body felt not really well....it seems like...er, indescribable~
feels like pain...but i didn't hit onto where...especially my internal organs...
i think maybe it was because of force..[learned from science(motion)but i forget what is it called]
and my head...damn pained!!
fortunately...there was no injuries...and my head where was got hitting not my cerebellum..
if not...i think i already death..><
Thanks God!!

end and beginning

my life...end up on today...
however...
my new life is coming soon...
although i'm not satisfied for my result..
but..
i still want to spend my life...
no any reasons to make me feeling down and sad...even regret!
that's my result! I should be responsible for what i did before...!

"look forward, don't look at back"
i always told myself this...
the only one i can do is accepted...facing it!
at least...
i got 1A...
passed my SPM...

you all are perfect...
somemore, too perfect for me....
i felt very stress when i facing all of you....
sometime....i would feel very down when i got my poor result...
i always told myself...
i want to get a good result as yours...
but...i didn't..even i tried my best..
it's still likes a SHIT!

sorry....
maybe, i made you disappointed again...
or...you already felt it's nothing anymore..
i didn't get 10A...even 5A also no...

and sorry to me....
i forgot what i'd promised to myself before...
this result i got...is just because of this...
i didn't do it...and didn't do well in exam

SPM result

i got my result....
well...not satisfied..
failed 2 subjects...1A
that's my science...i got A
sejarah and moral...failed..
moody...
scare that i can't apply collage..
how about F6??
wow...this course really CHALLENGING for me..
........
i'm sleepy..and moody..
congz to those straight A students...and congz to me for 1A =.=

~tomorrow~23/3

.............
how's the important day for us(SPM candidates 2010) on tomorrow?
well...
it's really important!!
GOD...PLEASE BLESS ME!!><(pray hard)
finally....
it's coming...
as i hope...
wished this day could come faster...

will i get A?
how many A will i get??
maybe....NO!
will i fail??
hoe many subject(s) will i fail???
maybe.....n subject(s)
oh....please!!
DON'T fail...I CAN'T fail!!

wish me GOOD LUCK!

2 more days

just left 2 more days...
i'll get my spm result..
wish that day can come faster...
but, i'm scare too..
scare i can't achieve my target...
hope that at least all pass...but i don't have confidence..
the first one...history, i think this would be the first subject i failed..
second is perdagangang...
and...etc..
maybe...no A
maths? i don't ever want to talk about it...
my only hope...science..made silly mistake in paper 2

However...
i already did my best...
like add maths..
i didn't try to answer it till last minutes in my exam before..
spm was exception..

don't know why....
i really don't have confidence..
sejarah, moral, perdagangang, account..
even bm...don't have confidence at all..
how's the result i'll get?
at least 5C(but i hope that at least all will get C or above) ...include bm and bi..
other 2 subjects...maths and science are already in my hand..
other 1 subject...i don't know, maybe bc
what i can do on now is pray hard..

after that, apply collage..
Tarc is the first one i chosen...
many friends asked me why you'll choose to study in tarc?
mostly, i would answer them..
tarc more cheaper..
yup..that is my answer..

the closer the day to get result, the more the things i have to bother...
it's seems all comes suddenly..
the first thing i'm bothering is my result..
the second one is...
A-levels? diploma?
for me, A-levels is challenging...
i need to do more effort from first day i start to study...
more knowledge i'll get..
and save 1 year after graduated can straight away to study degree if compare with diploma..
but, A-levels is hard...that's why i said it's challenging for me..

depends on my spm result...
if i can..i'll choose to study A-levels..
actually....
i like to challenge...^^

love and like

i was wondering...
what's the different between "love" and "like"
someone said "there are no different..."love" and "like" are equal."
but, for me...aren't!
i always knew that, something different between both of these feeling...
but, i couldn't find the answer..

finally...
i knew it,
i found the answer...
at the same time, i knew that which type of the boy i wanted

all my friends already in a relationship...
some of them at least already 1 year...the better one, 2 years
my friend asked me...when you only start your relationship?
seriously,
i wished to have one...but, i'm not ready to start it...
at least not now...i'm already tired with it

i know what should i do...
give up and stop all those happen

小说里不完美的结局

我总以为小说里的结局都是完美的，
虽然每个故事大纲不同, 但至少在结局里男女主角肯定会在一起。
不过，看来我好象错了
看了十多本的小说故事，有两本故事的结局并不是我想得那样完美。
结局里，男女主角并没在一起，因为男主角因病而死去。
那两本书提醒了我，这个世界有很多事情本来就不完美，也不会完美...
就连小说也不例外。

不知道是作者写的太好，太会牵动读者的心，还是自己哭点低，
差不多每个故事都能够看到哭。
就当作是发泄的途径吧，
虽然不是很喜欢看那样种类的故事，
可是偶尔还会想要找点情绪，让自己哭一下，爽个够。
反正又不是什么伤心的事情才哭，
没有心痛，也不会有伤心，
那只不过是被作者带动到情绪而已，
所以就那么一下，就没事了。

总之，
我会无时无刻地提醒自己...
这个世界并不完美，也不会完美...没有东西是完美的。
好像...有很多事情都要记在脑海里，都要提醒自己
是的...的确还有一件事，
多亏电话里那些信息没被删除掉，
它们提醒了我一件事，告诉了我该怎么做。
要不是那晚无聊没事做，就不会看回以前的信息，
如果不是那样，我想我应该忘记了那些话了吧？！

Giant Beast

just watched Giant Beast on this Thursday with my friends...
....this movie...made me felt damn giddy! Especially in beginning...
1 and half hour in cinema, i didn't feel well at all...><
i think that was first time i felt that i wanna vomit and headache in cinema...
at the end...all death, only one (two) survivor...
then, my conclusion is...boring..so boring...very boring...
giddy..so giddy...very giddy...

my future，my dream...my direction

how many months that i used to find my direction...
how many months that i lost myself?
4 months..or else 5 months...?
i dunno know and i dun mind...i just know it...I ALREADY FOUND MY DIRECTION!
is feeling great for this...i know what to do in my future life.
I'll do my effort...try to get a flying colour result...
who says most of the Cancer doesn't have aspirations?
Then, i want to be a successful person in most of them..^^
haha...that is my wish. i dunwan to have another regret in my life anymore..
it's enough for me, i already have 4 different things to make me feel regret...

my body skin...finally healing a bit...
it's just ordinary rash...8 months already!
its started coming out since last year...
though it was nothing, would get recovered in 1 month or else at least 1 week..
but i was wrong..it was became terrible after my SPM exam...
it came out more and more from my wind to my neck...
though maybe is skin sensitive with the soap...
asked my mom to change another product...but it was still not used..
it was very scary when i saw it...though maybe is my skin got problem
finally till one day i went to a clinic nearby...
doctor said it's just ordinary rash, dun too worry..
and he gave me an ointment, apply 2 times a day..
and now...it's not really red like before..but still got some spot on my wind and neck
fortunately...it is not itchy and pain..

today, i went to tesco to meet my primary skul fren...
she changes a lot...pretty.
we just sat in the food court..and she just introducing what kind of the job she's doing now..
but, why i felt like i fall into a trap?
i though she's just introducing her job...however, she asked me wanna join this job or not..
actually...i dun really want to join..the job is like a project..
is a governments project..and just helping to publicize the program..called score A..
erm...it's a education program..i think it is seems like tuition...
how many moneys u can earn is depends on how many persons that u publicize and success to ask them to join u...the more persons to join u..the more moneyssss u get...
but i'm still cant believe to this...ya, got governments support...
but it's like a business...u want to give them money then only can join them (i think it is for buying a card, i already forget what card is it)...
the most cheaper price..RM800..if no wrong..
but the money u can earn is can rise to 10k per one month if u pay 100% effort in this job...
walau...one month can earn 10k...
who dunwan?? and the most important it is only part time job..but, if u..can u believe it??
i dunno why i got a bit dun like it..
maybe i dun like has a people intro somethings in front of me and ask me wanna join or not.

以前与现在

刚刚，看回之前的部落格所写的东西...我发现，那时候的我真的很....天真。我想除了“天真”这个形容词应该没有更好的形容词来形容那时的我了...
在文章里...完全感觉不到任何的烦恼跟悲伤。
突然间，觉得那时候的自己很像某个人...那个人的性格给我的感觉还蛮像以前的自己的。至于是谁，很抱歉，我不说...也不想说。要知道就慢慢猜吧。

变了。
应该是在中四那年发生的那件事吧，改变了我。
不再像以前那样...可能是件好事吧，在另一方面来说...就是成熟了。

我很好奇，为什么我给人的印象总是很安静的一个女生..
真的有那样安静吗？
...或许吧，我只是慢热而已，也可以说...我不怎么爱说话。
可小时候的我却是特别爱说话，小学二跟三年纪的级任老师都对我印象特别深刻的。
每次拿成绩的时候都被老师向妈妈投诉。
我记得跟过一个朋友说过这件事，她却说我一点也不像是那样的学生。
的确不像。因为上了中学之后慢慢地开始就不爱说话了。
现在，也一样...只是变得特别爱想东西...

好想回到去小学六年纪..
那时候，发生了一件我永远都不会忘记的事情。
我只能用“疯狂”来形容...
我第一次亲眼看见两个女生在我班打起架来。
当时她们给我的感觉就只有三个字可以形容...那就是“母老虎” (简单来说就是拔头发, 用指甲爪对方)
都是我表妹惹的祸...
我想那件事情真的令到我们班的级任很头痛吧?
两个班级都不爽对方...那件事，还真有趣。
现在偶尔还会和我表妹提起以前的事情。感觉真棒，不是因为表妹惹的祸，而是觉得人与人之间有个共同的回忆，在那么多年以后想回那些以前所发生的事情...感觉上，以前真的很幼稚又好笑，但却很是一个很棒的回忆录。那时她的举动还真大胆，粗口.....一流！（但，只会在班上或学校里听到）...不过现在，淑女一个。人家说“女大十八变”...还真是说得没错。

......
..我...
到底想的是什么？
到了现在，我还是不清楚。
我不知道为什么我要这样做，即使我很清楚那是不对的。
那是喜欢吗?
还是...
只是喜欢被需要的感觉?
我得到的结论是...
可能在很早之前就已经忘了喜欢的感觉了，只是还没察觉到。
偶尔的在乎，偶尔的紧张...却似乎少了一样东西。
心动。
没了心动，却会紧张还会在乎，那是一种习惯吗？
有的时候，我会问..为什么就不肯面对自己的感情？
可是，我就连自己在想什么都不知道，又要怎样去面对？

[傻瓜]

突然想起溫嵐的[傻瓜]...
刚刚和朋友聊到一些事情...
结果，我得到的结论是...无论一个人再怎么聪明都好，但在感情里...他还是一个傻瓜。赞同吗?
我到是还蛮赞同的...
爱情跟智商根本就不能相提并论...不是吗?
情为何物? 我到真的很好奇它是什么...

说真的，我真的真的不知道自己的心到底在想什么。
第一次吧...完全感觉不到自己的心意。
还处在矛盾中呢。
算...我想应该还要经过另一次的离别可能才能够明白自己的心。
可是，就算明白了又能怎样？难道又要像以前那样吗？
应该不会了吧，我想我会选择另一种方式去爱吧。
因为那种没结果的感情，我玩不起。

唉...
傻瓜!

updated..

I got nothing to do recently...
so, I was going to search some novels to read by online...
my new recorded was I read 1 story in one day...didn't know how many pages that I read..coz i read in some website...maybe at least 200++pages per book
already read 7 books in 6 days...and my eyes was very tired..I bought this book on last 2 days...but just touched 1 page..
erm...is talking about one woman's search for everything..and what happened when she traveling in India..

don't know what happen to my web in these few days...
always cannot connect...hard to connect...T.T

14/2 valentine's day and my driving test

Happy Valentine's day!
I got a very great's present of this valentine's day...
I PASSED my driving test!! ^^
haha...felt excited when i success to go up the hill..
i just worried about tat...parking, 3 point turn and on the road were no prob to me at all..
nice examiner that i met...always talked with me in the car...haha..
asked me CNY got went where? how to spend my valentine's day? bla bla bla...
the result i got was 17/20 for on the road..not bad, i jux got 3 things didn't do..

yesterday night..slept very early.
but also woke up very early just because of headache....
damn pained made me couldn't sleep back..
then, suddenly...i just thought a question someone asked me before..
dunno y i'll think of that...its just suddenly came to my brain..
"do you ever think of being in top class?"
i just felt some happened like very impossible to me...(not the question made me felt tat)
i don't ever think tat i would fall in love with a top class student before...
yup...for me, its an impossible happened..but it was truth

my future...?!

Bothering...
Annoying...
My future life...
Every day also annoying the same thing...
What course should I take for my study soon????
A level?? Diploma??
Suck!!Arghhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ><
Waiting for SPM result come out...between, I'm damn scare..I can't imagine what will I become if I fail my SPM..maybe I'll MAD

My cousin..she wants to study law..
But, a lawyer really wants very good in argument..
For me..i can't
My dad asked me to study this before...erm, not only this..he also asked me to study politics, police and accountant..=.=
but I reject...keep saying don't want don't want and don't want...

Haizz...........
A level? Diploma?
I think I'll choose A level more than diploma...
maybe...
50/50%

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

Finally i'm home!
went back to Ipoh yesterday morning..then came back to KL in this afternoon.
wondered when could i go back to Kuala Selangor-Sekinchang? i wanted to see paddy field there..and take some photo..using sunset to be back ground..this view damn nice!

Yesterday went to观音洞at Ipoh..seriously, i never went there before..even my mom too..
yesterday was 1st time i went there..
so many 观音there...somemore, i made a wish there..but it was a secret, hope it would come true..
between, i got求签..this was not my 1st time i did this...that was N time..jux asked something abt my study..then i got上签..wuhaha, great!!^^
took many photos at there but i dunno how to upload by using hp,coz i dun hv usb...wanna ask my bro

After i back my 3rd aunt's home...my uncle already arrived there..then his wife...kept asked me got a bf or not..=.=
then i jux ans her...nope, study is more important to me now..
wondered why she really no any comment to her daughter for getting a bf now? same age vf me..but she got studied preparatory class...now only F5. Whatever...not my business.
after tat my dad said..zi yan, u cnt ar..i warn u 1st..=.=..i kept saying nth
Furthermore...my cousin kept saying i lay to him for i didn't make cookies to him..=.=
like tat sorry lo...made u disappointed, really not free to make it ma...this October u'll get tat d.
then what he said was 讲大话, 会脱大牙..then i jux said 这句话只是骗小孩子而已...

This year's CNY...i couldn't feel any CNY mood actually..
didn't play孔明灯 on this year...this was 1st time i didn't play it..
Monday start skul? so fast...but for me..every day oso holiday...no different..

[惡作劇]

finished watched season 2 of this Taiwanese drama on last 3 weeks...
an old and nice drama which already broadcast on 2006 for season 1 and 2007 for season 2..
this was the most i like to watch to compare with other Taiwanese love drama...
i was wondered why got such a girl in this world when i watched season 1...fortunately tat was fake, jux created by a ppl for added in this drama..
However, i very appreciated the heroine's perseverance when i watched season 2...even thought she very stupid...all the things couldn't do well, but her effort and her perseverance was effected me deeply...maybe, something changed in my mind, so when i watched season 2..i got some different commented with before..
if for me...maybe i cnt do tat.
all she did was jux because of her lover...
and now, i'm waiting for season 3...between HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!

dye hair~

actually i already dyed my hair on last 4 days ago at my fren's home..
she helped me to dye, coz the price is expensive if i going to salon...it's more save my money if i ask my fren help me to dye.However we failed it...coz不上色, my hair was still black..seemed like no changed after i dyed...
then, i tried by myself...dyed my hair by myself in this afternoon..after i realized the step in the instruction book then i begun my "work"..
i asked my mom for taking a towel then put it onto my shoulder...worn the glove then mixed the pigment, after tat begun dying..

i dunno begun from where actually,this was my 1st time i dyed my hair by myself...then i jux told myself, jux do it~
after my hair became very wet..finished the pigment..and waiting for 30 minutes..
i tot would fail again...but when i washed my hair i saw got a bit brown colour...changed, but not really clear..whatever, it's better than b'4..

my hair...almost destroyed recently..
i did straight hair last week...4 days couldn't wash hair~
but i jux 2 days...coz beh ta han! oily and itchy...><''
i like the feeling(my hair)..is soft..^.^

my teacher told me...she already helped me to register piano test...practical and theory~
both are oso grade5..on August..
so...must pass it~
won't scare..no nervous..all will be perfect! i got confident..^^
coz my 1st time test oso like this..no feeling..hehe..

[一路上有你]

你知道吗
爱你并不容易
还需要很多勇气
是天意吧
好多话说不出去
就是怕你负担不起

你相信吗
这一生遇见你
是上辈子我欠你的
是天意吧
让我爱上你
才又让你离我而去

也许轮回里早已注定
今生就该我还给你
一颗心在风雨里
飘来飘去
都是为你

一路上有你
苦一点也愿意
就算是为了分离与我相遇
一路上有你
痛一点也愿意
就算这辈子注定要和你分离

就算只能在梦里拥抱你

*************************************************************************************
张学友的[一路上有你]。我曾经的心声代表作之一。
每次听，都会勾起所有过去一年的回忆。但我听的并不是原唱所唱的。
这首是其中之一吧，不同的歌，想到的却是不同的事情。
另一首..光良的[约定]。你还记得我们的约定吗？
不过，还是算了吧...忘掉它，因为那是不会实现的。
就连下一秒会发生什么事都不知道了，更何况是八年后？或许在多三到四年，我们都忘记有这回事了。
其实从一开始，自己根本就没有抱着期望去看待，因为知道是没有结果。从一开始就知道会变成这样，差别在于迟早而已。
有的时候还蛮佩服自己的直觉的，因为它在某些事情上总是准到我自己都不敢相信。（当然，在考试上绝对派不上用场）
该怎样去面对，我不知道。只是不断地问自己那样做是对的吗？得到的答案是，即使是错，也得这么做。因为那是唯一的出口，我没得选择。问题是忍心吗？遇到这个问题，我就会告诉自己说。。即使不忍心也必须忍下心来。或许到最后，我只会说一句“对不起”。

something i always wondering.

jux see my fren's blog..then got some something happened btw she and someone recently..
what i want to say is, i wondering why love can make a person become like another person?
like double-face person...then i jux cnt believe tat, tat person is my fren. I may dunno her well at all...i cnt say what she did, but sometime i felt tat, she really undue to call someone like tat.

爱情，真的有那个必要去装可怜吗？难道那样有好处？
我从不认为。就算得到那又怎样？我只能说，对方给你的不是爱而是同情/怜悯！可悲
醒醒吧，他已经不爱你了，为何还要逗留在以前的回忆里？
我并没有要帮谁的意识，只是真的觉得过分了。

看过自己的朋友被朋友背叛的例子很多。
我好奇的是，为什么到最后她们还是选择了原谅？表面虽看起来很要好，但其实自己的内心还是有根刺。做到那么辛苦，那原谅来干麻？？
如果那是我，我不会。那是我的地雷，也是我的底线，即使是自己的好朋友...也都一样，不能原谅。

maybe it's same when they facing love. Betraying, lying...all because of they wanna get the result they wants. But tat's a foolish and wrongly acction
someone asked me, do you hv going to find a bf? then i ans him...no. but i din tell him the reason...the reason is, i dunwan to find...felt tired, not interesting and i already forgotten what's the feeling of love. And now, i'm enjoying my single life..=) no thinking such thing again..

1st time driving i felt like HELL!!

went to learn driving yesterday...and tat was 1st time i felt like hell when i driving inside the car!
what i knew was i'm damn scare driving alone without teaching, and tat was 2nd time i drove in the training place...driving in not really skillful situation and almost knocked..between, it was felt like playing碰碰车 when i turned the car...bad case! damn scared..
especially going up to the hill...OMG! i couldn't handle the oil and "glak" (sorry, i dunno how to spell)...but it was felling fun when i did it..
i'll do more well on next time!

going to sunway with my bro and his "friend" today...
and today i only know tat he got a gf...O.o
he ask me to go to sunway with his friend, i though really is his friend (boy)...but when we arrive there...i only know tat is a girl..he doesn't say any thing to me, then i just guess what is the relation between both of them...feel like a couple. After tat he ask me dun tell dad and mom, isn't time to tell them now...then i can confirm tat..i'm right! haha..
i say i already know what is the relation between both of them...then he answer me, can't we just only friend? then i just say, both of your action gives me feel not only like friend...
actually...i already found tat, he got a gf..but i just cnt confirm tat is true or not..his action got a bit different recently. Then i can say tat, my 6th sense is correct! I may is the 1st person who know tat in my family...
and i...do 3 hours d spotlight today..=='' i dun like to do spotlight actually...i did it b'4, my sis and my two bro...the only one i can say is..boring~

HTC DESIRE HD

HTC DESIRE HD..oh, i always wanted this hp...but its too expensive to me..almost RM2000++..syok! another hp i want is iphone 4...
i think this hp will cheaper than DESIRE HD, i almost get iphone 4 from my 2nd bro..but he said SPM need to get straight A then he only buy this hp to me..the worst is tat day he told me such thing already left 2 or 3 subjects to go..then no hope now~
but he promised me, he will buy one thing to me...depends on me what i want if i get 1A..my sis too..^^ i always wanted a flute for a long time...but its expensive to me too, RM1900++ until RM2000++ for the most cheaper price..my sis promised to buy one to me..haha!great!

CNY is coming soon..still got 1 more week..so fast already 1 year.
i may back to ipoh and sekinchang or will stay at home..spend the time at home...if my bro has some event, need to use car..then i'll spend my cny's time at home vf my dad and mom for sure..

i'm bothering! bothering for my result...will come out on mac...if i fail it, i'll be a mad..
furthermore...i still get nth now! damn it...what should i choose?

期盼的五月

五月，开学的日子。会顺利地进入大学吗？我希望会。
可是，到现在还是没想到要选什么科。烦恼
进入大学，生活又会是怎样的？我好好奇，它...会否像我中一那年那样？等待着我的又会是什么？

幸福，真的得来不易。而我，到是忘了那种滋味了。
我该到哪去寻找那曾经有过的感觉？
曾经...同一个人，给过我两次那种感觉，但同一个人，却也伤了我无数次。
对我而言，幸福其实很简单，它根本就不需要刻意地去表现出来。然而，越简单的东西却是越难得到的。
我怨过，更想过恨。无论自己的内心是多么地挣扎，告诉自己不能这么做，有多少个理由不能...我，还是选择了恨。因为我讨厌那种心痛，如果...这是个好的抒发管道，我宁愿一试。
昨晚，突然想起以前的事情。它们给我的，既是怀念又是心痛。很多时候不想去想回就是这个原因...也因为我会讨厌。
今天，无意间明白到爱的意识。也不知道为什么，只是能够回答到自己的问题。很意外。

1st time learn driving

1st time learn driving today..
after the teacher teach me the skill...he ask me to drive on sri bintang d small road and then drive to manjarala..the big big road~
haha...is FUN..^^ and very qi kek but the car conked out on the big road~><''
i tot he will scold me..but he doesn't~

Sonic Game

nth to do in these few days...
i already watched 2 HK drama...and now watching 3rd HK drama...damn boring!

i found this game by google on a whim...
this game i quite like to play when i was child..
nice game but hd a long time din play it...lost the CD so couldn't play any more...
i like to play supper mario too...i heard other ppl said these 2 games are brother..i think so~

Diablo...i wonder why this game would make me scare when i was child?? I rare play this game vf my cousin...but every time they came my home..they would play this game vf my bro...then i jux sat beside them..saw them playing...nice game too...i miss this game now, but lost this CD too...and now already Diablo III...thinking to find PS's Diablo..hehe

i bought this book very long time...b'coz of SPM so i rarely read it..
erm..not bad but boring...
i was wondering why this book would talk abt something like 看相 b'4 70 pages?? i felt sleepy when i reading those things...
but now...haha, nice...talk abt body language..it seems like one of the HK drama [读心神探]...something abt psychology...feel interesting..

Furthermore...i oso continue doing my Add Maths when i free~all my books already threw away...erm no..is donated~jux leave my add maths book..
2moro going to learn car...hmm, good luck to me~~

@7/1/11@ continue my piano class

finally continue my piano class today d..
and today i only realize tat i already grade 5...==''
still so slow..
today my teacher asks me to do my grade 4 theory exercise for revision...
but i...totally forgotten all the theory..><'' i found these in my theory book..these is last 2 years i took my 1st theory test i did d note...

most in there are Italian and its meaning...

i'm still wondering when can i get my theory's certificate?
my teacher call me keep remind her..><''

courses list of TARC COLLAGE...

today...i continue my considering for my study SOON
then...i get nth in the whole day's considering...WTF!><'' arghh!! really want to take A-level? the one i want to study i cnt study..coz tat course want sn class student only can study..i'm not sn class student... regret tat y i din try to apply to study in sn class when i was F4..sad..
i feel tat my head wanna explosion soon...haizz...><


went to mid-valley on wed vf poly alone purposely jux to watch Tron~
we went there at 10.00++ am...then arrived there already 11.00am..wasted the time jux to wait the stupid train..
after we got the tickets...still got 2++ hours only started the movie..
what we did in these 2++ hours?...erm...1st, went to MPH then walked in the mall...from G1 till cinema...and ate baskin robbins ^^ hehe...
(but why i feel like we were doing so po?)
i saw many fren work in there..vincci, nose, japanese restaurant and 小台湾...
b'4 we went to watch movie..we went to pet shop to see the pet...ei~really smelly ler...><''
tat was 1st time i watched movie felt headache...maybe i didn't get much sleep tat day
after the movie we went to MCD for lunch..then went back home at 5.00++pm..
opss...there was raining heavily tat day...
TRON...this movie is not bad but got a bit xian...i dun like the ending actually~

承诺

“承诺”这两个字应该对很多人再也熟悉不过吧?
人与人之间都会有个承诺的...
但，我从来都不相信承诺这样东西。
因为我知道对方不会刻意去记这些事情，明知道自己会失望那为何还要抱着期望去看待？
也就因为这样，自己也不会随便对别人作出承诺，除非我有把握能够实现。
真的不相信吗？是的，我不相信。但，偶尔还是会感到失落，多少还是会有一点期望的。

刚从朋友的部落格看到她说她和她前男友的一些事情和她的感受。
我很好奇，一个彼此曾经许下的承诺真的有那么重要吗？
分了就等于过去了...既然过去了，那为何还要在意过去的承诺？
也许心痛，也许还爱着对方。。。但，爱又怎样？心痛有怎样？对方心里根本就已经不再爱了，他心里爱的是另一个女生。
“我不会离开你。。。不会不理你。” 多么熟悉的一句话...

很多时候，我们都不能预测下一秒会有什么事情发生，唯一能够做的就是珍惜当下。就算以后真的发生什么事，但至少自己曾经珍惜过，那样就不会增加自己的遗憾才不会后悔当初没珍惜。不是吗？
这是我领略到的。

love??♥

I always wondering tat what is love?
love means what??
even i ask myself every day...i still cnt get the ans
so i going to google to search...
then--> "爱，是幸福的。爱，是伟大的。爱，是自私的。爱，是痛苦的…"
讲完了咯..幸福,痛苦;伟大,自私
then what is true love? any different btw love and true love?
y love can make ppl feel so down or feel so happy?
my fren ans me..coz u care abt the one u love
can i dun care it? i always wanted dun care abt it...its makes me feel so hard
and i...damn hate those feelings! and those memories too...i dunno what's caused by..
maybe..they always annoying me, every day every time...feel i'll become a mad soon
so...i always find the better way to overcome it...
but...the more i think abt it the more i hate it...those feeling is enough to me, although i dun wan think..the prob is still here...i haven't overcame it

some ppl may say...if u love jux go ahead..action la..try la
but they dunno..i prefer to hide it
this fate...i cnt to hv it...tried b'4, but no result...
then...i choose to hide it..dun wan to try it again
how many years i tried to put down...how many time i tried to put down?
5 years? 4 years? countless time...i hd tried b'4...but still same
the more stupid is...i cheated to myself..this action makes me more hate myself

GOD is too bless me...bless till i dun wan something like tat..
can i jux forget it? like i said b'4...forget my pay in love, forget all those things
if can, i really will do it

~Happy New Year 2011~

my 1st time countdown was gv for 2011 at Desa Park City last night...
was so many ppl at there...my fren's boy fren fetched us going there
saw many fren at there and my senior too...some of them i didn't meet again since they graduated..
However, even i saw them...they oso didn't see me..nvm, i dun mind it..coz i'm not really close vf them. Apart from this..i oso saw someone at there..vf his fren, taking some photo...but he didn't see me oso...
the feeling was very different...countdown vf fren at the same place even there were many ppl i dunno oso
every years..i oso countdown at home..no changed..i tot this year would be same too..and i tot i would countdown vf my Final Fantasy VIII...
but my fren asked me at the last 4 hours..and after i got my dad's permission..i went there vf my fren..
after the fireworks..my fren fetched us went back home..we started the car around12.45am...when we went out from Park City, already 1.00++am...coz traffic jam..
was damn tired when i back home...2.00a.m i arrived my home..my family was asleep and my head...headache again ><''
every end of the year...i would write my diary, recorded every things abt happy and unhappy..but i hd missed to write end of 2010

lastly...Happy New Year and happy always to my frens and family and me too!! My new year wish...i hope can get more happiness in this year...and i always wanted such life
another me told me tat...juz forget those unhappy things, juz let them pass...leave them in 2010
2011...i want more different and more happy than last year!